Two steps forwards, one backwards

For the ones still reading,

My emotional life is still twisting and turning, up and down, up and down...
*Sigh* It seems like there comes no end to it.
And I just realised, that maybe, just maybe it is the part of me that doesn't want to let her go that's causing this.
For the crazy people who can follow -good-
For those who can't, let me explain.

If I want to move on, I'd have to let her go.
And if I DO let her go, that means I'm over her and my emotional life becomes normal again.
But if I let her go now, there's no chance of coming back together.
So this part of me that's still hoping everything will work out and we'll be fine is keeping me from moving on.

So what do I have to do, to move on?
It seems to me I would have to give up hope.
Give up hope, now there's something to think about huh?
I've always been told to never give your hope up.

Hope means everything, it means survival for the human spirit.
Without hope, what would become of all of us?
Hope, an almost forgotten emotion, and yet a very powerful thing.
Think of the religics, these days catholics say they don't believe in God, but they still pray when things are going bad for them.
A last resort.

I'm no exception on this matter.
God alone knows how much I've been praying last weeks.
Praying to take the pain away, to make me forget, to make everything better, to get her back, just name it and I've asked the Big spirit up there.
I didn't prayed to God alone, no, I've been calling my grandparents and even my dog and cat to help me.
To stand by my side and to guide me trough this trial I have to go trough to become a better person.
And I believe it helps.

Call me weird, call me religious, but honestly I find it soulhealing.
The pain is still in me, but I believe they took a big piece for me and blew it into eternity.
And with all the praying that -obviously- I had to do, I searched the sky for the brightest star I could find.
Why? Well I named it after my ex, and for me it stands for everything I believed in.
It's a perfect resemblance of what she means to me.
Something you can't see all the time, but that's still there, and even if you can't see it, you just feel and know that it's there.
I find it a nice thought, that I can send all my love, and all my other thoughts to that star.

Btw: the star is the outher end of the big bear.