my process of healing so far...(by rufus wainwright)

Cigarettes and chocolate milk

cigarettes and chocolate milk
these are just a couple of my cravings
everything it seems i like's a little bit stronger
a little bit thicker a little bit harmful for me

if i should buy jellybeans
have to eat them all in just one sitting
everything it seems i like's a little bit sweeter
a little bit fatter, a little bit harmful for me

and then there's those other things
which for several reasons we won't mention
everything about them is a little bit stranger
a little bit harder, a little bit deadly

it isn't very smart
tends to make one part so broken-hearted

sitting here remembering me
always been a shoe made for the city
go ahead, accuse me of just singing about places
with scrappy boys faces
have general run of the townplaying
with prodigal songstakes a lot of sentimental valiums

can't expect the world to be your raggedy andy
while running on empty
you little old doll with a frown

you got to keep in the game
maintaining mystique while facing forward
i suggest a reading of 'a lesson in tightropes'or 'surfing your high hopes' or 'adios kansas'
it isn't very smart
tends to make one part so broken-hearted

still there's not a show on my backholes
or a friendly intervention
i'm just a little bit heiress, a little bit irish
a little bit tower of pisa whenever i see you

so please be kind if i'm a mess
cigarettes and chocolate milk



The tower of learning.

I'm looking for the tower of learning
I'm looking for the copious prize

I saw it in your eyes what I'm looking for
I saw it in your eyes what I'm looking for
I really do fear that I'm dying
I really do fear that I'm dead
I saw it in your eyes what I'm looking for

I saw it in your eyes what will make me live
All the sights of Paris
Pale inside your iris
Tip the Eiffel Tower with one glance
Stained glass cathedrals with one glint
You smashed it with your eyes
What I'm looking for

One blink and then my heart wasn't there no more
I'm looking for the tower of learning
I'm looking for the copious prize

Go or go ahead

Thank you for this bitter knowledge
Guardian angels who left me stranded
It was worth it, feeling abandoned
Makes one hardened but what has happened to love

You got me writing lyrics on postcards
Then in the evening looking at the stars
But the brightest of the planets is Mars
Then what has happened to love

So I will opt for the big white limo
Vanity fairgrounds and rebel angels
You can't be trusted with feathers so hollow
Your heaven's inventions, steel eyed vampires of love

You see over me, I'll never know
What you have shown to other eyes
Go or go ahead and surprise me
Say you've lead the way to a mirage
Go or go ahead and just try me

Nowhere's now here smelling of junipers
Fell of the hay bales, I'm over the rainbows
But of Medusa kiss me and crucify
This unholy notion of the mythic power of love

Look in her eyes, look in her eyes
Forget about the ones that are crying
Look in her eyes, look in her eyes
Forget about the ones that are crying
Go or go ahead

Foolish love
I don't want to hold you and feel so helpless
I don't want to smell you and lose my senses
And smile in slow motion
With eyes in love

I twist like a corkscrew
The sweetness rising
I drink from the bottle, weeping
Why won't you last?Why can't you last

So i will walk without care
Beat my snare
Look like a man who means business
Go to all the poshest places
With their familiar faces
Terminate all signs of weakness
Oh, all for the sake of a foolish love

I will take my coffee black
Never snack
Hang with the wolves who are sheepish
Flow through the veins of town
Always frown
Me and my mistress, the princess
Oh, all for the sake of a foolish love

So the day noah's ark floats down park
My eyes will be simply glazed over
Or better yet
I'll wear shades on sunless days
And when the sun's out, i'll stay in and slumber
Oh, all for the sake of a foolish love

All for the sake of a foolish love
Cause i don't want to hold you and feel so helpless
I don't want to smell you and lose my senses
And smile in slow motion
With eyes in love

Evil Angel

For to see my depth of sorrow
You are not allowed to follow me
Into this town square
And then run away

Evil angel with your cleft tongue
When you kissed me
On this town square
All the lights came on at sunset
Thought you'd stay

Evil angel bearing apples
When you kissed me
On this drawbridge
As the boats do
How was I to know you'd flee

Tear down these monuments
Bury the coat of arms
And build for me a factory

Evil angel when you're faced with hatred's
Daggers in my honor
You're no match no scratching hearts that no longer bleed

Oh Evil angel tear down the monuments
Evil angel Bury the coat of arms
And rebuild for me these memories
For to see my depth of sorrow

-author: rufus wainwright-

Ecce Imperatrix

Verdwaald tussen éénpersoons wereldrijken

Ergert ze zich aan haar bestaan.

Roemloos loopt ze door de stad die haar

Leven koortsachtig in stand poogt te houden.

Ogen kijken sierlijk om haar heen

En geen mond beantwoordt haar weeklacht.

Door haar lichaam glijden aders vol

Eenmalig genot en doelgerichte nutteloosheid.

Rovers en woekeraars weten zich te sterken

In de schaduwen van haar kille mantels.

Noodgedwongen toont ze zichzelf in het

Geel licht van de machteloze zon.

-author unknown-

this is a text that I got from a friend who got it from a friend,

but I think this is to good and reflects me a while ago when suffering from terrible heartache.

So I'd like to dedicate this to sporty,

and us in happier times,

never to be forgotten,

1 romance and 2 lives forever changed.

naked on the white horse

Ride the white horse
don't stop
Faster, harder
Run into my future

I know you're there
looking up in disbelief
on this blue little stone i've been waiting
As I watched the leaves and dead wood burn

Naked on the white horse
you appear to be -surrounded by light-
and you pick me up
my savior from this desolate island.

Forever smiling
both are naked on the white horse
Faster, harder they go
into my future

amber rain

I am the falling amber rain
loss of all control
Shifting colors, changing shape
lightened by the summersun
Forever dreaming
birth, death and the reborn

Clocks in the dead wood
are still ticking into eternity
Remains of blood on my chest
washed away by the amber rain
That is still falling from my eyes
I sit down and overlook
the fallen leaves on our grave

Gifted child with the red ribbon
take this ball of fire that I've been saving
Burn the leaves and the dead wood
no amber rain can put the fire out
Take it red ribboned child
while I walk away under the amber rain