The purity of me.

Well well,

I've been so very busy lately I nearly didn't find the time to write.
I think I can safely say that I'm okay now, life's not so very dark anymore.
So what did I do to become so strong, pure and full of life?
First of all I want to thank my friends, Do and Femke for being so concerned about me and listen to all my complains of life in general. Not to forget my little sis' Veve who stuck by my in the early hours of the morning while I was feeling so tired of living in general. I owe my whole gratitude to you girls!
But: most important maybe, I need to thank myself.

I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was, I really discovered sides of me I didn't know before.
Needless to say I'm a lot happier with myself and a lot of life wisdom richer.
I find myself a more grown up, stronger and (the important part) more pure.
I know what I want, what I like and what I don't like, how to cope with life events and that I'm capable of doing things my way, I'm a amazing person sometimes and I still surprise myself from time to time. I see my path in life a lot better know, which I'm grateful for.

So what did I do?
I've finally given up the one thing I was so afraid of losing, my hope.
And somehow I managed to fill this lost hope with new more furfilling hope.
Call me a dreamer, call me a lover but I have restored my dreams.
They're somewhat different from the ones I had before, but they still are my dreams and goals to achieve.
How I was able to do that I don't know, I think it had much to do with the good social network I have. And the network is still growing..

I subscribed myself to a forum and got to know a lot of people that are very interesting.
Almost every week people are adding me to their msn address, some are nice to talk to some are a little less interesting but I can't complain. It's an ego boost, something I very much needed.
And yes, there's a possibility that I'm starting to fall in love with someone, but it's to early to really say I'm heavy in love. But it's a nice feeling, a nice vibe that's running trough my veins. I have no intention of stopping it or to do something about it, it feels good and I feel good. That's the important thing, I believe that I deserve it. And if I fall completely in love but it turns out that it's not going to happen with this person I won't feel sad. Instead I will enjoy the feeling I get from her, and seek for the next horizon. The worst thing that can happen is that we remain friends, and that's not so bad is it?

So as you can read, I'm doing pretty fine. I feel so good to be me, it's almost becoming egocentric. But I realize that there are more people who don't feel as good as me within their skin, so maybe I must be thankful for this time that I do feel good. It's always when you think you're happy, you find something to worry about. For me it's although I feel good about myself, I don't want to become egocentric. But maybe it's just the afterwards rebound thing that makes me feel so superhappy. I don't know, I can only guess. Whatever it is (I know that I'm writing very much in chaos now) I'm enjoying my life now, every day and every minute of it.

I'm free of the daily sorrow, the burden of the world doesn't sit on my shoulders, the end of my alter ego Droop seems not so harsh anymore.
I'm truly happy, who can say that these days?